http://www.nhbradio.com/blog.php?23-b-spot No Holds Barred Radio Network, #1 in orginal adult comedy en Wed, 19 Jun 2013 14:58:01 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.nhbradio.com/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.nhbradio.com/blog.php?23-b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?23-iCondom Fri, 20 Jan 2012 23:00:08 GMT I don’t know what reaches the trash sooner? iPod headphones or a spent condom? The over-under for me has got to be about 8 minutes. --this includes... I don’t know what reaches the trash sooner? iPod headphones or a spent condom?
The over-under for me has got to be about 8 minutes. --this includes taking either item out of the packaging— ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?23-iCondom http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?22-Stupid-frames-and-stupid-fashion Mon, 09 Jan 2012 20:58:41 GMT I like how chicks that need glasses go for those thick, dark, smooshed-down frames. Those are cute. But what is up with the chicks who wear lens-less... I like how chicks that need glasses go for those thick, dark, smooshed-down frames. Those are cute. But what is up with the chicks who wear lens-less frames for fashion? Jesus Christ, those things are 5 times the diameter and easily 10 times uglier –but then again, fashion accessories to men are like ornaments on a Christmas tree. No guy’s ever said “dude, that chick’s got a HUGE ass... but check out those frames! This changes everything!”-- Isn’t the point of modern frames to either look GOOD in them, or not look like you’re wearing anything at all? If I wanted to f—k Buddly Holly, I’d catch the next plane to Iowa and find his Peggy-Sue loving ass! Ugh, and those horrible, red, plastic frames –you know, the one your mom wore in 1988?--. If you want to look hot, don’t wear those red horn-rim frames! Even Urkel took them off when he turned into Stefan Urquelle. I feel that somehow, this is all the fault of the “Scene Kids” and the “Emo Kids”. In 10 years, we’re going to look back at this past decade and cringe at all of the plaid shirts, skinny jeans and bad frames. It was like Grunge fashion in the 90’s, but instead of everything being 4 sizes too baggy, it was 4 sizes too small. Except for those f-ing Horrible frames!

-b ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?22-Stupid-frames-and-stupid-fashion http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?19-Ask-a-Lesbian Mon, 04 Jul 2011 19:23:35 GMT Here is one of my creations, an opus really, that was never really appreciated like it should have been. It's the theme song to TIOLI's "Ask a Lesbian". I had been doing little bits of production and writing for Andrew's show and one of the things I had been asked to assist with was the intro to his new bit. Over my lunch break I drafted the lyrics, ran home and recorded a quick acapella version of it, and then emailed it to Andrew.
I know he was cracking up at the lyrics and I personally think they're great, so for your reading pleasure, here is the first and only draft of the Ask a Lesbian theme song (written to a polka-type melody):

If your butt plug won't fit in, and there's rug burns on your shins.
You'll find the answers in the end when you ask a lesbian.
If you didn't like twilight, but you marched for human rights.
You'll soon discover a same-sex lover with the guidance of this dyke.
2,000 pant-suits can't be wrong, with their short-cut hair and a strap on dong.
Sit your ass down when Ellen's on!
It's the Ask a Lesbian theme song! ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?19-Ask-a-Lesbian http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?18-Update Sun, 06 Mar 2011 11:50:15 GMT God, I really want to do a show. God, I really want to do a show. ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?18-Update http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?17-New-Update! Fri, 18 Feb 2011 11:57:41 GMT Foreskin, that is all. b-spot Foreskin, that is all.
b-spot ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?17-New-Update! http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?16-PooPoo Sat, 22 Jan 2011 07:42:57 GMT poo poo pee pee cacka dookie shit crap fuck. none of you ever listened. Will this station ever die? Will Damon ever do a show? Or will someone be... poo poo pee pee cacka dookie shit crap fuck.
none of you ever listened.
Will this station ever die?
Will Damon ever do a show?
Or will someone be there to take his place?
My finger stinks occasionally.
435 tuning is cool sometimes.
REM is cool.
Colt is nice to me.
Alnico comes in diferent numbers.
Why do I have 10,000 views and no comments?
Why can't I post something interetsting?
Can you see this?
Am I really that drunk?
It' 1:20 right now.
Automation has alot of old crap in it.
Girls are cute.
I like to get loud.
I like to go to the other side.
Why can't I ever decide on one broadcast mic?
Why was I promoted after quiting my show?
What do my cohost think of me?
Why is it cold outside?
Wh are you reading this?
Why a I typing this?
Begotten, is a weird movie.
I like boobies.
Monkey.
SAM sucks.
Please only apply for a show if you're serious.
I wish bass strings weren't so expensive.
Stop drinking my beer.
The amps are loud.
Radio is cool.
Coke tastes better than pespi and has btter commercials.
Oasis is cool.
Water is fine.
Chocolate is the devil.
The Pixies are old.
Nirvana was never that good.
Take off that fucking cardigan.
Get another cymbal.
Vox sucks.
The beatles aren't that great.
Fuck Canadians.
My head itches every now and then.
Americans are apethetic.
It's 1:38 am.
Boobies are soft.
I could never remember my locker combination.
You're still reading this.
Take the bus.
You could have better headphones.
You pay for storage.
I don't get many letters but I get plenty of emails.
This isn't really a blog.
I guess that's it? ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?16-PooPoo http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?15-Brief-Update Wed, 08 Dec 2010 01:24:43 GMT Hmmm, well it’s been a few months since I stopped doing the show. Since then I’ve been engineering for a new show. If you have a show that you... Hmmm, well it’s been a few months since I stopped doing the show.
Since then I’ve been engineering for a new show.
If you have a show that you think can make it on nhb, contact me.
That is all. ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?15-Brief-Update http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?14-There’s-no-way-this-show-can-go-on! Sat, 09 Oct 2010 23:06:35 GMT Dude-buddy-bro-guy-dude-man, I’ve lost all sight of why I’m doing this show. I started off wanting to entertain 3 people, Warhak, Super_e and Virgin... Dude-buddy-bro-guy-dude-man, I’ve lost all sight of why I’m doing this show.
I started off wanting to entertain 3 people, Warhak, Super_e and Virgin Bergina. Now I have no idea who my audience is or what I’m doing? Early on I wanted to help improve War hawk & Super_e’s original version of Derailment Radio, get them organized and possibly help them get on nhb. Now, I’m aimlessly sitting in front of a microphone for 2 hours, waiting for the clock to run out so I can sit down and do it again next week. Boring!
I should never have started experimenting with the show. I completed the goals that I’d set and then had nothing to look forward to, so I got up in my head and wondered how I could modify the show through various behaviour. Bad idea.
When I kissed-ass and tried to put on a good show to get listeners, I got listeners. When I decided to be an asshole and alienate everyone, that worked too. I experimented with original content and ripped people off just to see how people would respond. Once again, I learned a lot, but it was a bad idea!

I am now stuck with a show that has zero direction, zero interest and zero effort placed towards it.
I should never have experimented and flip-flopped like I did because by doing so, I removed the familiarity that people are drawn to on NHB. They also have no idea what to expect when they tune in. Another shitty week? Maybe they’ll laugh once or twice? It’s all a mess.

I should never have taken part in this project if I wasn’t ready to focus on bringing a consistent, quality show to a network I love so much. All I ever want to do is help this network, but with the way that I’ve organized this show, it really hasn’t been a positive thing. Everyone’s general agreement is that this is a crappy show and rightfully so.

I no longer have the tools or resources to undo the impression made by this show or to even improve on it’s current quality. Can somebody please just pull the pug on it? Literally.

Damon-esque bitching, over. ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?14-There’s-no-way-this-show-can-go-on! http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?13-Morbid-more-better…-right Thu, 07 Oct 2010 05:44:24 GMT Among all things that can be contemplated under the concavity of the heavens, nothing is seen that arouses The human spirit more, that ravishes the... Among all things that can be contemplated under the concavity of the heavens, nothing is seen that arouses
The human spirit more, that ravishes the senses more, that horrifies more, that provokes more terror or admiration than the monsters, prodigies and abominations through which we see the works of nature inverted, mutilated and truncated.
-- Pierre Boaistuau, Histoires Prodigieuses, 1561


Why is it that whenever people, entertainers in this case, are down that the people around them finally show that they care? It isn’t until a show falls apart, a performer threatens to quit (or worse, falls ill) that the audience perks up and says something. Why can’t the audience show it’s love to the performer(s) all of the time? If anything, the audience wants to see blood, but can’t believe one would ever stop bleeding.

It’s not until the boat has filled with water, will the passengers begin the bailing. Even then, this only lasts until the problem seems to be resolved. There’s no daily check-up to see if there’s any leaks and there’s no “thank you” to the crew.

There are three entertainers on this network, each of whom is held with great regard. Each of these entertainers has also fallen; one physically, one mentally, the final in an otherwise appropriate fashion.
All of them shared love for a common goal, bled for their act, turned life into their performance and their performance into life (corny, I know).

This pleased the audience very well. The audience wanted more.


I’m too tired to look at this monitor. None of this is making any sense. Why do I always write these when I’m out of it? Try reading this from bottom-to-top, maybe it’ll make more sense. I shouldn’t think so negatively of you screwballs.
Nonsensical half-assed rambling over. ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?13-Morbid-more-better…-right http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?12-Well-nuts-to-that! Sat, 18 Sep 2010 13:31:33 GMT I wound up 'screwing up' during the telethon... I think I'm cursed. ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?12-Well-nuts-to-that! http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?10-Unable-to-reflect-effort-with-honesty Sat, 28 Aug 2010 08:56:05 GMT Why am I always embarrassed to admit when I’m making an effort to put on a good show? Why am I always embarrassed to admit when I’m making an effort to put on a good show? ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?10-Unable-to-reflect-effort-with-honesty http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?9-More-Crap Tue, 24 Aug 2010 10:26:33 GMT I’m having a lot of trouble being a host on nhb. I discovered this network during a time in my life when I needed something to help me escape the... I’m having a lot of trouble being a host on nhb. I discovered this network during a time in my life when I needed something to help me escape the real world. Something that wasn’t “real” but which was more interactive and long-term than a movie or an album would be. Listening to nhb gave me that escapism and gratification that I was looking for and it lasted for many years.

Now, I find myself filling the position of a host. It doesn’t feel very “real” to me.
It feels so strange that someone else could be listening to something I say from thousands of miles away, all the while thinking “this isn’t real, this is a character”. Which I suppose I am, but it makes me think of how selfishly I thought of the other people who’ve hosted shows. I looked at them as something to satisfy my need to focus on “something else“, to escape the real world. I feel very worthless for even thinking that these people were only here for my entertainment. It’s as if I didn’t see them as real people.

Every now and then there’s that “switch” in my head that gets flipped and I forget who someone is, and I once again see the “character”.

Sometimes, as I’m hosting a show, I think about all the people who have tuned in and think the same thing. Thinking that I’m a character. And then I think of each of the hosts and wonder if they’ve thought the same thing? How many people really care about the people giving pieces of their lives to this network?
Why is it that whenever someone around here (or the network as a whole) has been in need, a spectacle must be held? All the characters must come to life in order for the listener to feed *Blah* back into the machine. I’m not necessarily talking about money.

What makes something “mindless entertainment”? If a host can be the most articulate, intelligent and poignant person in the world, does that mean the listener is there for the host’s opinion, or are they merely listening in order to be entertained by that particular character the host has become in the listener’s mind?
Even if the listener is there to hear someone’s opinion, are they engaging their own thoughts? Are they shutting their brain down and allowing themselves to be filled like an empty canister?

What do people think when a stand-up comedian performs seated?

Writing out of my own experiences, I am that empty canister when I listen to the radio. When I hear someone talk, it doesn’t really create a reaction in my mind. If tragedy strikes on the other side of the world, it doesn’t seem real, just another story. If a station goes belly-up, I’ll move on and tune into the next one.
I’ve been a listener of radio for many years, but now I want to find the emotion and enthusiasm as a listener that I’ve never had. I want to break down that wall and find something that is real. I want to be as excited to hear something as I am to actually do it and to find the actual person behind the character.

Nonsensical rambling over. I’m sure none of that made any sense to anyone not in my shoes. ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?9-More-Crap http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?8-What-a-mess! Sun, 22 Aug 2010 20:05:01 GMT Is it strange that no matter how messed up this network gets, it still feels normal? Is it strange that no matter how messed up this network gets, it still feels normal? ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?8-What-a-mess! http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?7-Brevity-is-the-soul-of-wit… Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:47:44 GMT … except I do a two-hour show! How is one supposed to remain witty and concise with their message when it must be stretched over 120 minutes? What... … except I do a two-hour show! How is one supposed to remain witty and concise with their message when it must be stretched over 120 minutes? What message am I conveying while I’m on the air, for that matter?
I’ve found nothing but dick jokes and nervous-conversation filling every show I’ve done.
At the end of every episode, I really haven’t expressed anything of any value. I feel unfulfilled, but I supposed that could be why the listeners seem unsatisfied as well?

What do listeners want to hear? Listeners on this network aren’t so much listeners as they are a crowd.
The times that I’ve caught other shows, whenever they’ve had a guest, the listeners proceed to rip them apart for entertainment. It’s really the lowest-common-denominator that these people want.
I’ve given it to them.

In the past I’ve offered up “This Week In Muff” as one of those mindless, degrading and bottom-level games, yet no one has ever spoken-up in resistance against it. Against how sick the concept of the game was. It never existed as a means of entertainment, it was created to be destroyed, to test the what the audience viewed as acceptable.
Picture this: three men listening to clips of women whoring themselves out and in the midst of intercourse. Each of the men offering their guess as to which hole the “actress” was being penetrated in…

Not one person called in because they found this offensive? No one had anything to say? Instead people offered their own guesses in hopes of winning a prize.
I suppose the audience is accepting and turns the other cheek? Though this probably isn‘t the case when they berate other show’s guests for offering an opinion on, let’s say, aliens.

On the other side, when nothing of value, or of another “colour” has ever been discussed on this show, it doesn’t give the bit anything to contrast against. The bit itself is toilet humour and that’s what everyone has come to expect out of this show. It’s the same thing over and over. I think that’s why everyone’s bored? I dunno?

I don’t understand this radio thing, or how I’m supposed to translate a point of view into a dialogue that the listeners can grasp onto and become entertained by. I just hope I don’t fuck-up during the telethon.

Nonsensical rambling over. ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?7-Brevity-is-the-soul-of-wit… http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?6-I-ve-got-a-blog Tue, 06 Jul 2010 20:02:04 GMT Neat-o! Eh? Neat-o! Eh? ]]> b-spot http://www.nhbradio.com/entry.php?6-I-ve-got-a-blog